Recognizing Difference: Political Talk

            I am not unique in my experience. I was born in a once-coal-mining-now-industrial town in Western Kentucky about forty minutes from the Ohio River. My maternal great-grandfather was a coal miner and Pentecostal preacher. However, the atmosphere of my home breeds conservatism regardless of having religious familial connections. Every one finds comfort in believing the same thing.  

            When I voted for the first time in 2004 between George W. Bush and John Kerry, I voted like those around me. Kentucky has been a Red state for quite some time now. From the pulpit, my pastor had told us, “I cannot tell you who to vote for between John Kerry and Brother Bush.” I remember being told that Kerry would turn us into a god-less nation, that people would start marrying animals and abusing children.

            I sit here now typing this as a Democratic Obama-voter who hopes Hillary runs in the next election. Religiously, I embrace agnosticism and my girlfriend is atheist (borderline antitheist). My experience is not unique. There are many people around me who have the same story of growing up conservative, moving to a subculture, and embracing liberalism. All with this experience share more than just a story, but also an insight into the debates between conservatives and liberals. Only a fence-hopper (or backslider) can really understand the futility. How can two people argue if they are on two different channels? In two different locations? On two different planets?

            Religion and conservatism are usually a two-for-one deal. I have met some liberals who are religious, but I have yet to meet a conservative who is not. The Republican party is broken into several factions with over 80% of them agreeing that religion is important to their lives (Pew Research Center). I do not believe that I need to prove that the convictions of religious people affect their political decisions. We can see this on matters such as equal marriage, immigration, healthcare, and abortion. Religious ideology is inseparable from the Republican party and this ideology exists but is not inseparable from the Democratic party. In fact, many religious people that I know have suffered backlash from fellow believers due to their politics (accepting homosexuality, voting for Obama, etc). It is almost like treason.  So, what is a betrayal of?

            The majority of Religions, including Western Religion, has a temporal view of the world. I’ve often noticed that Republicans use the word “world” whereas Democrats use “earth.” There is a difference. From world, there is the connotation of “worldly” or “secular” which are no-no terms in Christianity especially. I have heard it used as “worldy goods,” “wordly ways,” and “secular non-believers.” It is almost like a warning word, a constant reminder of evil. That the world is evil, and we should be happy that it is temporal is the idea. The focus is on the next life, heaven or hell. It is what we do now that decides if our escalator goes up or down. It is a life preparing for something that could possibly come at any moment which could be death or the Rapture.  There is no planning ahead for future generations, because, hopefully, the world will end by then.

            Our political system is built on platforms and debates which do nothing except affirm either side. There is little to no persuasion. Most people know who they are going to vote for regardless of what either party has to say. The reason lies in the fundamental difference between Republican and Democratic ideology. Republicans are built on religious conservatism which has a short-sighted view of the future. Democratic ideology is built on social movements and consciousness-raising with little religion involved and are concerned with the future. So, how can two people set down and talk about global warming when one sees the world as temporal? The rift runs too deep, and without some consideration (or humoring if you will) of certain religious ideologies, it will always be too deep.

            Women’s rights, homosexuality, healthcare, immigration, war, and environmental policies are near impossible chasms for discussion between these two ideologies. We have seen in the news some acquiescence from Republicans on marriage equality, but that has more to do with political tactics (the fact that the Republicans are losing ground fast), than a change of heart or ideology. It is not because Paul Ryan believes gays should be able to adopt. It is because Paul Ryan wants to continue being successful in his political career.

            There is a huge difference between the representatives of the party and those that the party represents. In this article, when I have mentioned the parties I have meant the people, not the representatives. The people truly believe whereas the representatives may believe, but it is still a political game. We have seen politicians switch sides to snatch up nominations. We have seen politicians stay quiet regardless of their convictions. The people are much different. It is not a game. Conservative folk truly believe in the temporal versus the secular and that belief informs every decision they make and this informing process is parallel to Democrats in that they will never touch.

            In the PBS documentary Makers: Women Who Make America, Gloria Steinem said, “We thought if we would just explain it [Women’s rights] to them, they’d understand.” I believe every person regardless of political party has felt this way. During election season, I hear a plethora of questions that reflect this naivety.  How could they believe that? Are they stupid? Do they just not understand? Haven’t they read the report? Anyone with common sense couldn't believe that, could they? When you are looking at the world through lamb’s blood covered glasses, you can only see the world in a certain way.

            This article has had nothing to do with which party is enlightened or is right or wrong. That is exactly opposite the point which was to show that there are rifts too deep for crossing. However, I hope I am wrong and that it is possible to both see the world as temporal and worth saving. If we do not come together on that, there we will no earth to exercise any rights on.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

The equality symbol has gone viral on all forms of social networking. It has been inspiring to see such support for marriage equality in the United States. This viral symbol as well as pending rulings about Prop 8 and DOMA has also caused some backlash from fierce and dedicated antis.

There is no blog, meme, or video that can truly convince everyone. The beauty and frustration of free speech is the free part. People are free to believe certain ideas others may find incredulous. We have UFOs, Big Foot, Lochness, and a host of other conspiracy theories that some people truly put stock in. But there is a huge difference between Joe who has spotted a flying saucer and posts the video on the internet, and Jimmy who denounces marriage equality. The difference is how it affects others.

I am a lesbian. I'm also a teacher, daughter, volunteer, book-lover and cat-mom. Being a lesbian is a small part of who I am, but it engulfs every day of my existence. This not something that cis-gender, strictly heterosexual people understand.

A high school girl who is attracted to men goes to bed at night and freely thinks about that boy she likes in her math class without fear of consequences or what her parents might think (unless perhaps he is an ethnicity or race frowned on by said parents). She can flirt with him in class and not fear bullying or malicious teasing. Her salvation is not called into question, because she likes this boy. It is "normal."

Parallel that with a girl lying in bed confused, because a girl in her math class makes her heart flutter. She's heard that people like this go to hell and that God does not love them. And she wants to be loved, longs for it, so she tries to forget her crush and sleep. She doesn't mention her inner battles to her parents, because they might take her to the church elders for prayer. She couldn't stand the look in their eyes saying, "How did the devil get into this one? We thought she was good."  She can't open up to a friend because they have the same doctrine, and even her friends outside of church might tell other people. She holds leadership positions, teaches Bible studies, sings in choir...she could lose everything and become nothing more than a lost soul who has to work her way back up out of the pit again.

So, she decides that she'll do better to repress what's happening to her. She cries  and prays for deliverance. She's cried the same prayer for 7 years and in some ways it's gotten worse. She remembers that God must have a reason, but she can't help but think that no reason is good to keep her this way. She's dying inside. She's supposed to be full of the joy of the Lord in all avenues of her life and in everything she is. But this. This eats at her everyday like a song she can't forget or a word she can't remember. It's always there even when she doesn't acknowledge its presence, so she wonders if she's demon possessed. She closes her eyes and sees that girl from school and cries harder. She screams at God and immediately feels guilty. Her pillow is soaked, so she throws it aside for another one. She tries to stop crying. She tries to think of boys in her classes and hates how she feels....nothing. She thinks about the girl again just for a moment to feel her heart flutter. She hates herself for feeling truly alive in those moments; those moments she keeps in her memory like official documents in locked, fireproof safes. She wishes she were a boy, not because she wants all the anatomy, but because then she wouldn't have to feel this guilt. She imagines herself with short hair and baggy pants playing the guitar outside the girl's window. The fantasy makes her feel calm and even somewhat happy. She doesn't want any of this, so she tries to accept the fact that God must want her to if He hasn't taken it away yet.

Maybe if she's better, he will finally take it away. Maybe if she stops listening to secular music or watching movies, she would be worthy of deliverance. She calmly whispers, asking God to let her prove herself. She'll fast and pray more, anything to take this away. "Help me," she begs. "Please.

If you haven't figured it out yet, this girl is me. So, don't tell me homosexuality or anything "not heterosexual" is a sin. Don't tell me not to act on my attractions even if my feelings are natural. Don't tell me you don't approve. Don't tell me who I am supposed to love. Don't tell me that it's okay for any child to go to bed like that for 7 years. Just don't.

In return, I will tell you that I don't blame God. I've realized that He never answered my prayer, because there was nothing wrong with me.  I will tell you that I am the happiest with myself I have ever been and have worked through most of my self-hate. Some things take time just like all this that is going on. Marriage equality has and will continue to take time, but I think now is a good moment for us to all work on some perspective.

Wear my shoes for a moment and try to tell yourself what you have told others. Look at the girl and tell her she is sinning. Tell her it's a choice when she tried to pray it away. Tell her it's her lifestyle when all she did was live for God. Tell her that if she acts on her emotions and her heart that she will never be accepted, that she will always be sub-par. Tell her those things and lay yourself down to sleep.

Feminist Tight Rope

I will cross this tight rope in freakin' heels!

Here are some big names for you: Jessica Valenti, Naomi Wolf, bell hooks, Gloria Steinem. These women differ on some feminist ideology and modes of activism, but they all literally have careers in feminism. I am a college professor. The closest famous feminist on this list to me (in both profession and location) is bell hooks. And, all of these women, at some time or another, have inspired me to be an activist. But the similarities end there. These women are paid (by us as consumers and through charitable donations) to be feminists. I'm not saying the job is easy, but just that it is indeed their job.

We are the Valenties of our campuses and communities. We are inspired by what these and other famous feminists say and/or write about concerning our modern society. We are fueled by abominable statistics and quotes (all the rape comments this past political season, anyone?). And we are....tired.

It is difficult to balance work, school, family, feminism, and the plethora of life's bullshit that lands on our porch. Want to go to that Take Back the Night function? Screw you, says your psychology paper. Want to lobby for gay marriage in your capital? That's a great joke, spews your three sick children. Want to write for the feminist blog carnival? F you too, writes the stacks and stacks of student essays you have to grade.

Sometimes it isn't even the multitasking. We can do that. Oprah taught us well. But, sometimes we are just tired.

All my blog says is "ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg"

Feminists get tired. Let's just let that sink in. Valenti has a new daughter. Don't tell me her expresso shot in her non-fat chai latte hasn't tripled (do they even do that? I'm chai illiterate). And it's her job! She writes feminist books and blogs, and gives feminist talks at conventions and schools.

So we shouldn't feel bad for needing to take a short hiatus from some of our feminist activities, right? No. A mother's guilt ain't got nothing on the guilt we feel for "slacking off" from our feminist duties. We have to run ourselves into the ground for Rosie the Riveter, right? That's the American way! And that's exactly my point. Our bad habits as Americans (eating on the go, busy all the time, depression, anxiety, guilt) have infiltrated our feminism. Should we advocate for others out of guilt? Some say, "Well, whatever gets the job done." I say, "I got enough of that in church, thank you very much."

Google image guilt. First picture. Even your shadow judges you.

So, what's a feminist to do? All I can tell you is what I have done and how it has improved my life that has simultaneously benefited my feminist activism as well.

1. Start saying, "No."

No, this is not easy. And, yes, the first few times you will feel so guilty you want to jump in front of an ice cream truck. However, before you can get control of all the chaos that is your life, you have to get it at least semi-manageable, i.e. don't take on anymore.

2. You don't always have to be the leader

I like being a leader and organizing events, trips, fundraisers, and any like activities. I think I do a good job and most people agree with me. So, because it is my talent, that means I should volunteer at every opportunity and lead everything?! No!! Any time this comes up for me I think of Bilbo Baggins who said, "I feel like butter spread over too much bread." I don't want to be a lame piece of toast. Something or someone will always suffer from your over extension whether it be a spouse/partner or the activity you are working on. If I am spinning too many plates and an opportunity comes open, I ask myself two questions:

1. Is is necessary that I take a leadership role in this? Can I just participate?

2. If the answer is "Omg, I hafta be da leader!." Then I ask myself, "What plate can be set down for a bit so I can really get involved in this?"

3. Sometimes you need a break

After we do something for awhile, it can become like an unhealthy relationship. We begrudge or even fear that we have to do it. For example, I used to escort at a women's clinic at least twice a month. It has been almost 6 months since I have been back. The reason is because the last time I escorted I was pinned between the women waiting to get in and the angry Christians wanting to preach at them. The atmosphere reminded me of what it must feel like before a police bust or the eye of a hurricane. I kept waiting for one of protesters (who often came drunk) to pull out a gun. That feeling has clung to me, and I haven't been ready to go back. Call me what you will, but I have decided that when I do go back it will be because I am ready and want to, and not because I feel guilty. 

4. What's important to you?

There are so many great causes out there, and so many women across the world who need feminists to advocate on their behalf. They need legislation for rights and protection. They need people who are willing to make the world aware of their reality. And when you really start to think about or list the bad shit happening to women across the world, there's that blanket of depression. Some feminists get so overwhelmed they quit. It's too much. How do you look into the eyes of the world without spontaneously combusting? You don't. Instead, you have to figure out what's important to you. My girlfriend has "a trifecta of activism." She will always volunteer with activism that deals with Rape/sexual assault/reproductive rights, domestic violence  and GLBTQ(etc) equality. There are so many activities that are under the umbrella of these, and because of that she always has something that she can do to help others. Without investment, it's guilt.

5. Seasonal Activism

Those Halloween stores aren't the only ones known for their seasonal working. Some activism is seasonal too and because of that, you can manage your time and activities better. Right now, I am in Vagina Season. I'm co-directing the Vagina Monologues on my campus and helping to work with ladies in the show, organize the show, and do anything the director needs me too. This is not a small job. It's time consuming and in February I won't have time to even get fast food. But it's only for a season. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel with no proverbial train. I also edit an online women and gender studies journal that publishes fiction and nonfiction creative work. This one is feast and famine. The beginning is busy with promotion and then busy again with reading reading reading and giving feedback and then promotion again. Then, it is over. With this "seasonal activism," I can also do other forms of activism all year long, because I'm not piling more on me. Summer is also another season. I'm typically less busy in the summer and increase my involvement. However, now that I work fulltime I am finding that I'm not really less busy, so I'll have to adjust.

Shit, they taught us multitasking before Oprah

You may not agree with everything that I have said. In fact, there may only be one small nugget you agree with (Jessica Valenti IS awesome!). We all have to find what works for us and sometimes what works for me can really work for others, and other times not so much. If this improves your life and activism, then hoorah! And if it doesn't interest you, well, thanks for reading anyways. You're a peach. 

Five Things That Will Save You in English Courses

Everything I'm about to tell you is something you can trust. Why? Because I'm an English instructor. Also, I am friends with and converse often with other English instructors who teach a plethora (<
Why am I telling you this? Well, I'm not risking my life or anything. It's not a secret. Chances are your English prof has hinted at these five things in class. I'm here to tell you again and to emphasize how true these simple acts of English kindness really are.

So...if you want to make English courses easy on yourself, take these five things to heart.

5. Tricks are For Kids

I put my hands up, tricking out my paper, the butterflies fly away

If you are taking a beginning English course at a university, chances are your instructor is younger and KNOWS YOUR STUPID TRICKS! Making a period 32 pt size to get more spacing? Really? Adjusting the margins? Tweaking the font size, line spacing, indentation, or header? Dude, we have been there. We know these things. Also, 3 inch margins are super noticeable. This leads me to my next piece of advice...

4. Just do the Work

If eventually he'll write Shakespeare, you can write your %$^@# essay

Seriously. Just do it. It's really not that hard once you actually sit (or set, crap) your butt down to do it. Your instructor wants a 3-page paper on ethos, pathos, and logos. Do it! Tell your buddies to just back off for like one day and do the work. Also, if you know you are a slow writer, then waiting until 2:00 am the night before sounds like a disaster to me (and also like college). Most of your instructors are realistic. They know that 9.9/none of you have worked on this assignment for more than last night (there are outlying overachievers, but we'll leave them there). We don't expect you to etch your essay in gold. Just do it!

3. Do We have to Be LeVar Burton to Get you to Read?

This is LeVar Burton for the age impaired

Speaking of Nike, just do the readings too. Do you know why your teacher has you read articles or stuff from your book? Because he or she doesn't want to lecture you on thesis statements for an hour. Do you want that? Didn't think so. English instructors, for the most part, like to have class discussions where students can talk about issues happening in the now. Doesn't that sound better than a lecture on the semi-colon and its uses? Just read the assignment. It won't hurt you anymore than looking at your facebook feed (except during election season). Try to understand what you are reading,  retain it for class, and you just might fight yourself participating instead of sleeping with your shades on like a douchebag.

2. Conferences are not for their health

"Billy, your paper is you typing "oh shit" over and over"

Often, English instructors have conferences which means they set aside an allotted portion of time to meet with each student. First, let me tell you that even though many teachers cancel their classes this week, this isn't no joy ride, son. This is a long, tiring week where your teacher sees about 15-20 of you at least 4 of the 5 days from 8:00 to 4:00 and even later if they have grading. This isn't a vacation week like it is for you. Also, they prepare for these meetings. They read your rough drafts, mark on the paper, and are ready to give feedback. With conferences where you bring your draft, they are ready to help you make it better. And what do you do? Not bring it, not come, not nothing. Nada. Being stood up by a date is horrible, but by a student it is no better. Imagine making a mixed CD, giving it to your crush and they just throw it in the trash right in front of you. Feel those feelings? Feel them? Yeah. That's the tip of the iceburg, punk. Come prepared.

1. Those Marks on Your Paper Are not Hieroglyphics

"I Offer my Blue Inked words to the goddess of who ever reads this!"

So, you get your paper back from your teacher. Let's say it's a rough draft. You are suppose to make corrections. Guess what? IF YOU JUST DO WHAT IS MARKED YOU WILL GET A DECENT GRADE! Your prof spent hours marking all those papers, and it wasn't to appease some ink-savoring deity. Those words are for you, like little text messages on your paper. That's why you feel the wrath of God when you turn it in without taking the comments seriously! This is super simple and will save your soul. Also, when you get a paper with a grade, there is more (usually) than just a letter grade at the top. There are other markings written in a language called English that have these words that form sentences which tell you how to not screw up next time. 

I Assume You Can Do Anything

I was nervous when I was putting my syllabus together for my English 095 class the Fall of 2010. English 095 is for students who have low ACT scores and need more help before going into English Composition I and II which are graduation requirements. Before even entering the class, these students have been labeled as developmental writing students which they often translate into "stupid students."

Many students who come into ENG 095 are English as a Second Language (ESL) students, those from rural areas, and those with lower socio-economic status. These were the first students that I taught under my graduate assistantship at my university, and, boy, don't you know I felt that pressure.

The temptation is to lean toward the simplistic and in many ways these students need to learn the basic elements of college writing (organization, thesis statements, academic language). And these elements are daunting to students who write heavily in their first language or regional dialects. They've been told that their way of writing is "wrong" and "full of errors." Going into this class, I felt that I had two jobs: to teach writing and to edify these students..

So, when I made my syllabus I decided to not hold back when it came to difficult topics. Many professors would disagree with me saying that these students can't handle theoretical topics or ideas that aren't so obvious. As I added reading and writing assignments, I kept thinking about something my mom said to me a few years ago. We were talking about how she would point at the words when she read to me even when I was an infant. I laughed and teased her saying that it was impossible for me to learn that early. She replied, "I   didn't know what you could do, so I assumed that you could do anything." Those words have haunted my pedagogy and influenced my ENG 095 syllabus.

About half-way through the semester, I introduced my students to the idea of intersectionality which is a feminist theory about how people can be discriminated against on more than one level. For example, a black lesbian female has race, sexual orientation, and gender discrimination.The reading assignment for the discussion was a very long article which called for a level of critical reading that many instructors would not expect from ENG 095 students.

A few weeks later, the students turned in a paper in which they applied the theory to themselves and what that meant to them, if they were surprised, and how they dealt with it. I found out that one of my students has two dads. Three students came out to me. One student realized she was a feminist. She had come to my office a few days before the paper was due and was very distraught, because she couldn't figure out how she was discriminated against in any way. It took all my will power to not yell, "You're a woman!!" Instead, I found myself saying, "Why don't you go research how much women make versus men at Wal-Mart?" She looked very confused as she left my office. In her paper, she talked about how women are discriminated against in the home, at work, and with societal expectations.

These were students who were told by their teachers that they would never ever be able to handle this type of academia, and through feminism in their education they were able to redefine themselves as capable students and, for some, even as feminists.

All Over the Space

Hey! So...I have decided to create a website as a monument to my cartoonist side.

The goal of All Over the Space is...well...just that; to be all over the space. Nothing is sacred save the holy digital pen I use to create.

You can tell that I am heavily influenced by Cyanide and Happiness, The Oatmeal, Dilbert, and xkcd (except I'm not smart enough to really compare to them or understand at some points..hmmm).

My style has been described as....

• one to two panel cleverness
• cute
• oh i get it
• cute cat

Please do me a favor and subscribe. And then...you know...click through on your e-mail. 

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