Feminist Tight Rope

I will cross this tight rope in freakin' heels!

Here are some big names for you: Jessica Valenti, Naomi Wolf, bell hooks, Gloria Steinem. These women differ on some feminist ideology and modes of activism, but they all literally have careers in feminism. I am a college professor. The closest famous feminist on this list to me (in both profession and location) is bell hooks. And, all of these women, at some time or another, have inspired me to be an activist. But the similarities end there. These women are paid (by us as consumers and through charitable donations) to be feminists. I'm not saying the job is easy, but just that it is indeed their job.

We are the Valenties of our campuses and communities. We are inspired by what these and other famous feminists say and/or write about concerning our modern society. We are fueled by abominable statistics and quotes (all the rape comments this past political season, anyone?). And we are....tired.

It is difficult to balance work, school, family, feminism, and the plethora of life's bullshit that lands on our porch. Want to go to that Take Back the Night function? Screw you, says your psychology paper. Want to lobby for gay marriage in your capital? That's a great joke, spews your three sick children. Want to write for the feminist blog carnival? F you too, writes the stacks and stacks of student essays you have to grade.

Sometimes it isn't even the multitasking. We can do that. Oprah taught us well. But, sometimes we are just tired.

All my blog says is "ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg"

Feminists get tired. Let's just let that sink in. Valenti has a new daughter. Don't tell me her expresso shot in her non-fat chai latte hasn't tripled (do they even do that? I'm chai illiterate). And it's her job! She writes feminist books and blogs, and gives feminist talks at conventions and schools.

So we shouldn't feel bad for needing to take a short hiatus from some of our feminist activities, right? No. A mother's guilt ain't got nothing on the guilt we feel for "slacking off" from our feminist duties. We have to run ourselves into the ground for Rosie the Riveter, right? That's the American way! And that's exactly my point. Our bad habits as Americans (eating on the go, busy all the time, depression, anxiety, guilt) have infiltrated our feminism. Should we advocate for others out of guilt? Some say, "Well, whatever gets the job done." I say, "I got enough of that in church, thank you very much."

Google image guilt. First picture. Even your shadow judges you.

So, what's a feminist to do? All I can tell you is what I have done and how it has improved my life that has simultaneously benefited my feminist activism as well.

1. Start saying, "No."

No, this is not easy. And, yes, the first few times you will feel so guilty you want to jump in front of an ice cream truck. However, before you can get control of all the chaos that is your life, you have to get it at least semi-manageable, i.e. don't take on anymore.

2. You don't always have to be the leader

I like being a leader and organizing events, trips, fundraisers, and any like activities. I think I do a good job and most people agree with me. So, because it is my talent, that means I should volunteer at every opportunity and lead everything?! No!! Any time this comes up for me I think of Bilbo Baggins who said, "I feel like butter spread over too much bread." I don't want to be a lame piece of toast. Something or someone will always suffer from your over extension whether it be a spouse/partner or the activity you are working on. If I am spinning too many plates and an opportunity comes open, I ask myself two questions:

1. Is is necessary that I take a leadership role in this? Can I just participate?

2. If the answer is "Omg, I hafta be da leader!." Then I ask myself, "What plate can be set down for a bit so I can really get involved in this?"

3. Sometimes you need a break

After we do something for awhile, it can become like an unhealthy relationship. We begrudge or even fear that we have to do it. For example, I used to escort at a women's clinic at least twice a month. It has been almost 6 months since I have been back. The reason is because the last time I escorted I was pinned between the women waiting to get in and the angry Christians wanting to preach at them. The atmosphere reminded me of what it must feel like before a police bust or the eye of a hurricane. I kept waiting for one of protesters (who often came drunk) to pull out a gun. That feeling has clung to me, and I haven't been ready to go back. Call me what you will, but I have decided that when I do go back it will be because I am ready and want to, and not because I feel guilty. 

4. What's important to you?

There are so many great causes out there, and so many women across the world who need feminists to advocate on their behalf. They need legislation for rights and protection. They need people who are willing to make the world aware of their reality. And when you really start to think about or list the bad shit happening to women across the world, there's that blanket of depression. Some feminists get so overwhelmed they quit. It's too much. How do you look into the eyes of the world without spontaneously combusting? You don't. Instead, you have to figure out what's important to you. My girlfriend has "a trifecta of activism." She will always volunteer with activism that deals with Rape/sexual assault/reproductive rights, domestic violence  and GLBTQ(etc) equality. There are so many activities that are under the umbrella of these, and because of that she always has something that she can do to help others. Without investment, it's guilt.

5. Seasonal Activism

Those Halloween stores aren't the only ones known for their seasonal working. Some activism is seasonal too and because of that, you can manage your time and activities better. Right now, I am in Vagina Season. I'm co-directing the Vagina Monologues on my campus and helping to work with ladies in the show, organize the show, and do anything the director needs me too. This is not a small job. It's time consuming and in February I won't have time to even get fast food. But it's only for a season. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel with no proverbial train. I also edit an online women and gender studies journal that publishes fiction and nonfiction creative work. This one is feast and famine. The beginning is busy with promotion and then busy again with reading reading reading and giving feedback and then promotion again. Then, it is over. With this "seasonal activism," I can also do other forms of activism all year long, because I'm not piling more on me. Summer is also another season. I'm typically less busy in the summer and increase my involvement. However, now that I work fulltime I am finding that I'm not really less busy, so I'll have to adjust.

Shit, they taught us multitasking before Oprah

You may not agree with everything that I have said. In fact, there may only be one small nugget you agree with (Jessica Valenti IS awesome!). We all have to find what works for us and sometimes what works for me can really work for others, and other times not so much. If this improves your life and activism, then hoorah! And if it doesn't interest you, well, thanks for reading anyways. You're a peach.